Pumping for a Micropreemie

Yeesh. This one could turn into a novel. (watch out)

I had so many amazing experiences pumping for my son while he was in the NICU. I am truly grateful that he had that nourishment, greater odds, and support from me. I am so lucky to have been able to pump and provide so much from him.

BUT HOLY CRAP DID IT SUCK PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS. (it is a pun. but I also mean it. in all the ways.)

I became a pro-pumper pretty quick after Kaio came. I had pumped after going back to work when Stella was about 7 months. That lasted about 5 months; my supply dwindled and Stella decided she was done. So pumping 2-3 times a day, when it wasn't life or death... was barely experience. It was nice to know I had done it before to some extent, but I was not ready for the micropreemie pumping experience.

I was lucky enough to get colostrum right away. By the end of his birthday, he had enough milk to feed him for about 3 weeks. It was only 2 ounces (60ml) but he started feeds at 0.1 ml. (so crazy. so tiny)

I pumped every 2-3 hours, for 4 months. I fell asleep pumping in the night, only to wake up because the bottles had filled and were overflowing (who knows how long I had pumped??). I pumped while working on my laptop, virtually everywhere. I pumped in the car while driving between work and the NICU and anywhere else. I pumped at crowded swimming pools with clogged ducts and just barely held it together. I pumped in special pumping rooms at the NICU, dropped the very full bottles out of tiredness on my lap, and then laid on the floor and cried over my spilt milk. Everything in my day and night revolved around pumping. I planned when I could even hold Kaio based on when I had pumped, because holding was such a long and complicated process for a long time.

There were so many interesting things that came from me pumping. First was the app I used (pumplog I think). I was obsessed with not letting my supply dwindle like it had with Stella, so I tracked every pump session like a maniac. It was amazing to see time/production trends; how quickly my body would react to making more milk in less time and the like. I pumped at least 40 gallons in the 4 months my son was in the NICU. We had to buy an extra freezer for just milk, and we still ran out of room. Kaio was never able to figure out breastfeeding and came home on bottles and an ng tube. After about a week of pumping at home with Kaio there and all of his needs, I gave up. I did not have the mental faculties to keep it up anymore. We also had enough milk stored to feed him for another 5 months, so that really pushed me over the edge in quitting. I loved using that app. It was kind of like my trophy each day and overall. I could (and would 😬) compete against myself to get more milk until I felt like I reached a rate that would double a newborn's needs. It sounds crazy. I WAS CRAZY. Partially because of this next bit...

Second interesting thing was Kaio's study. He qualified to be put on a study at the NICU where they analyzed the mother's breastmilk and fortified directly based on what the nutritional value of the mother's milk was and what the baby needed. Since breastmilk can vary greatly between each woman and from day to day for each woman, this was incredibly interesting (especially to me as a food scientist, I loved talking to the doctors and nurses about it... they even let me see the super secret expensive equipment they used to analyze the milk). If I remember right, the average human breastmilk is about 22 calories per ounce. At one point, my breastmilk came in at 36 calories. 🎉
It was amazing to know that Kaio was getting exactly everything he needed, between medications, milk, and love from everyone around him.

My third and final favorite thing about all of this crazy pumping was being able to be there for other moms. I talked to the lactation consultant often, not so much for advice, but because she was friendly and we talked about everything it took to pump with a baby in the NICU. Eventually, she would come and ask me specific NICU pumping mom questions in order to help other women. Occasionally, if they were up for it, I would meet up with moms that just began their journey in the NICU, and give them every ounce of encouragement I could. As well as a few tricks I learned with using the hospital grade pumps, how to store milk for the hospital so none got wasted, and all my crazy ways I tried to improve the comfort of the whole task. It really wasn't much, but the idea of being able to help someone at all in the same situation was the only thing that made me feel better.

I constantly think about ways I can give back to the NICU for current families there and I often draw a blank. For me, very little was comforting. I was very grateful for the gracious and kind acts of friends, family, and strangers while we were there, but it often felt empty. I have no legitimate recommendations for how one would comfort another going through something like this. Maybe a hug and a good cry with them (even a stranger... for real). But maybe that's just me. Heck, that's about all I need on any given day, regardless of my emotional state... soooooooo.


I wish I was a better storyteller. That could remember all the details. There was so much more that encompassed it all. I doubt I'll ever be able to piece it all back together. In my head, everything is just a big chunk of gloomy sadness with some bright moments in between. With it being over, it should be over. Move on, get over it. But nope. The whole experience still weighs heavy on my soul, and we even had an incredibly positive outcome of the whole thing.

Some day I'll figure it out. But it is not this day. (Lotr, anyone? 😜)